I went to college for this right?

I feel like I should be a total pro at this teaching thing. I went to college for it. Its my career. Im not....I didn't even put an apostrophe in I'm just then.....UNFIT! Unfit teacher status.

When I was in school my teachers were perfect. Their classroom management was perfect. They knew exactly how to answer every question. Their rooms were clean. Always. Every lesson was exciting and fun and no one ever grumbled about having to do something (okay thats not entirely true....). They were funny! Like. SOOOOO funny. They had us doing awesome projects and I still remember them! I remember every single one of my teachers during my grade school years. I also remember most of my middle school and high school teachers (some more than others :).

Thats not me. I'm not perfect. I can loose my cool from time to time....I also cannot remember how to spell loose....if its 1 "o" or 2....and I usually end up googling it....like its a simple word. Figure it out Ele. Sometimes Im so grumpy with my kids that I don't even want to be around me.....I can only imagine how a 6 year old feels about me. Sometimes its like my brain doesn't even work. I forget things the second I hear them. I have actually had to have people repeat something to me more than twice. Thats excessive. Im not organized. Like... its funny almost how unorganized I am.

Quick story: I lost my behavior chart at the beginning of the year. And its like a BIG LAMINATED CHART! How did I misplace that. Then I convinced myself it had been stolen...SOMEONE STOLE MY CHART! What. The. Heck. HOW RUDE! Then a few weeks ago one of my special kids was throwing an all out brawl out and he kicked over a basket of books....what was in this basket? My chart. Like how did it get there.....unorganized.

Anyways. There are many things that I can improve on...most things actually. HOWEVER! I care about my kids. There are a few differences in the life style of my students that I teach and how I grew up. Sometimes I think that working on their emotional health is completely more important than reading about what the fat cat did in his hat....with a bat and a rat....How can I teach these kids how to read and do math when they haven't eaten? Or when they have slept only 3 hours the night before.

I have decided to cut myself a break. First, because if I don't, I'll pass out from stress. Secondly, because I am still learning, growing and making myself a better teacher. Third, and last, because what these kids need is love. And I definitely give them that.

Sappy post over :) 

Sometimes its the small things

Guys. It was Monday. I know that Mondays are suppose to be crappy because its Monday and the weekend has ended and everyone is sad and whatever. Mine wasn't that bad. Now, it was not great. But it wasn't awful! BIG ACCOMPLISHMENT! Today brought some laughs, some struggles and some tears (mine....but for a good reason).

I will start with the struggles so I can get them out and then we can all forget they happened. My struggles come with a few of my boys. They let the most insignificant things ruin their days. Things like where they are standing in line....someone looking at them funny.....the fact that they don't want to do what we are doing....and when I say ruin their day. I mean it. They go full blown pout pout fish. Stomping and huffing and puffing. It takes all I have in my soul to not say something very smart to them and stomp away. Bringing these boys back to a rational state of mind takes lots of calm talking, eye contact, choice giving and making and deep breaths. For both of us....Eventually my special boys will be able to do these things without me. I hope this day comes soon.

Tears-THIS IS ACTUALLY A GREAT THING! Do not be worried for Miss Philips the emotional wreck. I only cry when absolutely necessary.......hahaha okay that's a lie. Anyways! Today my most challenging boy, my boy who has never done a single worksheet on his own, my boy who never stays in his seat because he is usually under it or on top of his desk, my boy who yells and throws his paper the instant it is put on his desk, that boy, that boy DID 2 WORKSHEETS ON HIS OWN! I helped him very little and he only had one little outburst. He stayed in his seat, he didn't throw his pencil once, he listened and participated and he didn't crawl on top of his desk. Guys. This may seem little or small, but for  this boy, he might have just turned a major corner. So when I walked over to his desk and he was working on his sheet by himself and actually trying I knelt down to his desk looked at him and said "Do you realize that you just did this whole thing BY YOURSELF?! AND ITS RIGHT!" then the smile that spread across his face was so incredible, so proud, so wonderful that I started to cry haha. He was a brand new child today. I want to meet that child every day from now on. Will he be perfect from today on? Most likely not. BUT HEY! Its the small things right?

Laughs-Here is my favorite part. The part of my day where my students say something that is so funny that I actually laugh. The same boy that made me cry tears of joy is also the most hysterical child ever. He says things sometimes that you just don't expect and you can't help but laugh. Today we were at recess and were lining up to go inside. All of a sudden from the back of the line comes his little voice:

"Ey! Miss Philaps! Can I play with these nuts?"

He has his hand in his pocket and I literally don't know what to say.....I think the look on my face must have given away how weirded out I was cause he pulls his hand out and goes,

"THEEEEEESE nuts, them acorn nuts, I wanna go bury em"

Me-Oh. my. word. Yes hahahaha you may go bury them. Good grief.

So. Overall I would say that my Monday was good. Not great, not horrible. Good. Sometimes good is all you need. Sometimes its the small things.

It all starts somewhere

So here it is. A blog.....I've attempted 2 other blogs. They were awful. I mean really terrible. I guess I've made 3 if you count the Xanga that I had in middle school. That one is so bad that its actually hilarious. I spelled things with numbers and Zs where there should have been an S. I was the epitome of cool. However, I'm hoping that this will be different. I have a reason to write. I have my kids.

Just for clarification, when I say "my kids" I don't actually mean my children, I mean my students. I will probably always call them my kids.

Another thing. This blog is going to be FULL of grammatical errors. Commas in the wrong place....periods All. Over. The. Place. Even when there shouldn't be one. Like there. And there.....I write like I talk. I think that it gives the words more of a personality. So if you get offended that a teacher doesn't know how to write a proper sentence....I apologize....but I'm not going to change it. That will take too much time.

I am doing this for a few reasons:
1. I want to remember my early teaching years. I want to remember the fun stories, the sad stories, the frustrations and the accomplishments.
2. Writing this in a journal is not an option.....I have the handwriting of a 1st grade boy....I wouldn't be able to read it.
3. I love to share my stories with people. And for some reason people love hearing about them :)

So here we go!!