I went to college for this right?

I feel like I should be a total pro at this teaching thing. I went to college for it. Its my career. Im not....I didn't even put an apostrophe in I'm just then.....UNFIT! Unfit teacher status.

When I was in school my teachers were perfect. Their classroom management was perfect. They knew exactly how to answer every question. Their rooms were clean. Always. Every lesson was exciting and fun and no one ever grumbled about having to do something (okay thats not entirely true....). They were funny! Like. SOOOOO funny. They had us doing awesome projects and I still remember them! I remember every single one of my teachers during my grade school years. I also remember most of my middle school and high school teachers (some more than others :).

Thats not me. I'm not perfect. I can loose my cool from time to time....I also cannot remember how to spell loose....if its 1 "o" or 2....and I usually end up googling it....like its a simple word. Figure it out Ele. Sometimes Im so grumpy with my kids that I don't even want to be around me.....I can only imagine how a 6 year old feels about me. Sometimes its like my brain doesn't even work. I forget things the second I hear them. I have actually had to have people repeat something to me more than twice. Thats excessive. Im not organized. Like... its funny almost how unorganized I am.

Quick story: I lost my behavior chart at the beginning of the year. And its like a BIG LAMINATED CHART! How did I misplace that. Then I convinced myself it had been stolen...SOMEONE STOLE MY CHART! What. The. Heck. HOW RUDE! Then a few weeks ago one of my special kids was throwing an all out brawl out and he kicked over a basket of books....what was in this basket? My chart. Like how did it get there.....unorganized.

Anyways. There are many things that I can improve on...most things actually. HOWEVER! I care about my kids. There are a few differences in the life style of my students that I teach and how I grew up. Sometimes I think that working on their emotional health is completely more important than reading about what the fat cat did in his hat....with a bat and a rat....How can I teach these kids how to read and do math when they haven't eaten? Or when they have slept only 3 hours the night before.

I have decided to cut myself a break. First, because if I don't, I'll pass out from stress. Secondly, because I am still learning, growing and making myself a better teacher. Third, and last, because what these kids need is love. And I definitely give them that.

Sappy post over :)