*DISCLAIMER: This is a long and mushy post. I take no offense if you don't want to read it :) I'm also quite positive that I contradict myself 3 or 4 times through this post.....so if you are bothered by that...sorry...
The answer to that is: I can't.... No teacher does. Some people can have a really crappy day at work and then come home and not have to think about it anymore! And no I'm not saying that EVERYONE can. I understand that other people have really stressful jobs too that they can't just walk away from at 5. But I can't speak for them because I'm not them....I'm a teacher. So I can speak for me. I don't want people who are reading this to think "My goodness teachers complain a lot"....like, ya maybe we do, but so do you......anyway, so its really hard to know what my kids go through and what their home life is like and then just drive away in my rather new car that doesn't smell like smoke and come home to my house that has heat and a couch and not feel a little bit sad for them.
There are kids who have experienced more in their short 6 years of life than I probably ever will. Anyone who knows me also knows that I cry.....like at everything. I get too happy, I cry, I get too sad, I cry, I laugh too hard, I cry......its really basically a constant thing. So sometimes its a miracle that I'm not just always crying during the day. However on Friday I had a moment. It was picture day and the kids were allowed to wear whatever they wanted. THIS IS A BIG DEAL. Kids sometimes legit wear suits. Its the cutest thing ever. One of my kids came up to me with his jacket all the way zipped up and told me that he didn't have any nice clothes to wear because they were living in a shelter and so he just had his uniform clothes. I held in my tears enough to tell him that he looked so handsome in blue and that his pictures would turn out awesome. Thankfully this child eats up compliments so he smiled this huge smile and went and sat down. I proceeded to go out in the hallway and cry while telling my co-workers what he had told me. I work with amazing people so they made it a point to also tell this student at different times that day how handsome he looked. I cannot even imagine what life for this child is like. How can I expect him to bring a book bag, folder, homework and be focused all day long when he knows what he is going back to when he leaves. However, I am expected to do this. Clearly I have a heart, so I cut him some slack, but kids like structure and they like to know what is expected of them. So hopefully having a structured school life brings this little boy some comfort.
I also have another little boy who told me about how his moms friend came to help her get her car started and was shot in front of their house and killed. I can't even begin to relate to that. How do I help these kids cope with such incredibly tragic and terrifying things?! I do my best but I sometimes worry its not enough.
What I have come to realize though is this: I do separate myself from my work to some extent. If I didn't, if I let all the stories I have heard through my day and all the situations I have witnessed run around in my head and my heart I would never stop crying. I wouldn't be able to take it. I would literally crumble and not be able to function. Which is so weak....I realize this...because I'm not actually the person going through it. But if I could I would adopt as many of these children as possible. I see such potential is these young people, but they have too many hurdles and crappy stuff in their way that they can't reach it without help. I want to be their help. I have to be, or I don't feel like I have done my job. Walk in to my school and you will see so many teachers in there just like me. Im sure if you walk into any school you will find these people. We might seem tough and strict....and we are...but we have to be for these kids. They have become a part of us. There is no separating that really.
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