Breaking for Christmas

I cannot even express how happy I am to see Christmas break. Besides the fact that I LOVE CHRISTMAS, I need some naps, I'm tired and I know I can speak for at leeeeeeeeast like 5 other teachers when I say that I was at the end of my rope.

Real quick: that self challenge I put in place for myself actually went alright! I had my moments when I snapped or when I didn't listen, but hey its a work in progress!

Next. What I really wanted to talk about. My kids. WHAT! I know......I never talk about those rascals. :) Anyways. No matter how excited I am to not see them for 2 weeks, I am also sad. I'll miss them. Badly. Not necessarily teaching them and struggling academically with them....but more like experiencing their personalities. Their kindness. Their frustration. Their triumphs. I will miss knowing that they are fed at least twice a day at school. I will miss being able to be really freaking weird and have someone appreciate it. Although, I do know that, like, my sister, she will appreciate the weird..because she is also weird. But its not the same.

Some of my kids would rather be at school than at home. Some of my littles ask to go home with me on the weekends or at night. It breaks my heart and makes me feel good at the same time. If I had my way I would pull a Miss Honey and totally take them home with me and dance around because Trunchbull isn't our principal anymore.

My prayer for my kids is that they stay safe. They stay warm and fed. They experience love and kindness from the people they live with. They laugh and they are cuddled and hugged. I pray that they come back to school well rested and ready for the next few months. I pray that they don't become lonely. Selfishly....I pray they miss me. Because I will miss them....and its no fun missing someone when they don't miss you back.

Positively positive

Its easy to be negative. About everything. All the time. Its easier to complain about things and be a grumpy bear than to actually work to change anything. Its the easier approach, its the lazy approach. Its the approach a lot of us take. Be honest......I am wayyyyyyy guilty of this.

One of my good teacher friends/friend friends, who goes way above and beyond to help out her fellow teachers, decided that she was allowed to say something negative ONLY if she follows it up with a positive! What a great idea! So I started doing it too. You know what, it helps. What a smart woman she is.

Its easy to get sucked into the suck of the day. Like I have had maybe 4 days my whole year that have been COMPLETELY good. However, have my days been total crap buckets just because a few things happen to tank hard? No. Have I let myself think they have been? Yep....WHAT A WASTE OF A DAY! There is a lot I have to be happy and positive about.

Also....just a side note...if you want to complain about how terrible something is and how blah blah blah whatever it sucks, okay but you better be trying to fix/improve it then. Like you're in a sinking boat, and you sit there with water blopping in around you and you complain "man this water is coming in and stuff and it sucks!" and then you just sit there because you would rather do that and be a lazy sloth person then actually have to try and repair the boat? Okay well you deserve to sink....hope you took swim lessons........but you probably didn't because you're too lazy....okay anyways.

Am I saying don't complain? Absolutely not. Complain away, but try not to let it consume you. Try and pick a few positive tid bits out of your day. It will help. Your heart will smile more. Who doesn't love a smiling heart???? (okay maybe except this one because its totally creepy...)

Lets review.

Hows is my challenge to myself going? Oh so sweet of you to ask! Its going well! I still have a few days but so far Ive been doing most of these. Lots of smiles, high fives, laughs, hugs, helping, staying late and Christmas. Loads of Christmas. Have I been the most positive person on the planet this week? Heck no. Lets get some of the frustrations out first, I'm going to list these out real quick and then forget about them.

-One of my special friends has been doing really well, like really well. But this week and last he has gone back to the kid he was at the start of the year, its incredibly disheartening and frustrating.
-Talking, constant talking....over me...over each other...talking
-I might have gotten angry a few times...frustrated maybe...maybe some tears....maybe


AND NOW IM DONE! Not thinking about those things anymore.

The positives of the week.

Our elf came! It was so fun. Our awesome Vice Principal Steele busted into our room with a present that was wrapped in Christmas paper! AND IT WAS COLD! That could only mean 1 thing, it totally came from the North Pole. Mrs. Steele told us how an elf named Ffffffffranklin had busted through her ceiling and gave her this present for us. We opened it and it was our Elf on the Shelf book! The kids loved it. The next day our elf showed up! We named him Belle, we are a very progressive class and name boy elves girl names.....If anyone has some cute ideas for our elf, I would love to hear them!

My kids really like old school Christmas music. Like Perry Como, Bing Crosby and Harry Connick Jr. Thank goodness they do because if they didn't, poor things would be miserable for the next 2 weeks.....I would have listened to it anyways.

Overall, my kids were actually pretty good this week, there were bumps in our road, but no mountains on our adventure. (I just came up with that little saying and Im really proud of it.....Im making it into a poster) (jk im not...) (but I should)

10 more days. They WILL be great. 

Lets do this!

Teacher friends. We have 15 days until Christmas break. We can do it. I am going to challenge myself to do a few things.....personally I think it is easier to reach a goal when you only have to do it for a few days...aka 15....15 days....cause then break happens and we all get out batteries recharged by the break fairy.

My challenge to myself is (and if you so choose to take on this challenge as well thats great!)
-Stay late at school or get there early at least twice a week so I can feel fully prepared
-Take a step back before acting on frustration of any kind
-Laugh more with my kids
-Have more conversations with my kids
-I am going to encourage my kids
-I will lend a helping hand to my coworkers if they need it
-I will smile! Like so much you will think something is wrong with me
-If you need a hug you will get it, adult or child
-Be super Christmas-y, because it makes everyone happy! 


If I do not at least attempt these things, I will gladly accept coal in my stocking....

FIFTEEN DAYS!

Lets. Do. This.

Much needed

This break could not have come at a better time. The kids needed it. The TEACHERS NEEDED IT!

Side note: don't even say "I wish I got a break from work like teachers" or "must be nice to have 5 days off for Thanksgiving" if you aren't a teacher. Because YES it is nice! If you wanted to have them too, you could have become a teacher, but you didn't become a teacher so you don't have the right to make us feel bad about the breaks we get. OUR JOB IS HARD! Not saying yours isn't. Just, don't comment on the time off that we get and we won't comment on your job. Kthanks

Anyways! I don't know if it was just me, just kidding I know it wasn't just me, but like my teacher brain is mush. I let my kids do a craft for 2 hours on Tuesday.....2 hours. This break is needed for a few reasons:

-I need to re-energize badly
-I need to organize my life badly
-I need to regroup badly
-I need to nap........badly

My rope is nearing its end.....its basically just weird little frayed pieces right now.

Hello Thanksgiving break, my old friend.

Thankful

Im thankful for students who usually don't want to work at all but sometimes get the urge to try really hard all day long. It makes me feel successful.









Im thankful for students who are hilarious. The students who find a sock in their coat pocket and exclaims "Oh, itsa sock" when they discover it, and then use the 1 sock as a glove and put their hands in it to keep them warm. But the reason they didn't have gloves is because he gave them to another student who didn't have any.









Im thankful for funny and sweet conversations that I get to have with my kids. Like this:

"Can you fly?"

What??

"Can you fly?????"

No haha why would you think I can fly!

"Because you a super hero"

*Cue tearing up*




Im thankful for my coworkers, I think Ive said that before....




Im thankful that if our kids don't have coats, gloves or shoes that there are people out there who are more than willing to donate proper clothing for them.

Im thankful for when kids get creative with their family projects. We had them disguise turkeys so that they wouldn't get eaten for Thanksgiving dinner, the only one I had turn one in wrote "My turkey is God I protect you so don't eat me" hilarious. I love it.

Im just thankful.

Progress

How long have we been in school? 63 days.....thats it. Like 15 weeks. 3 ish months. What does it feel like? 2 years. These past 3 months have crawled by like a sloth. A sloth stuck in tar. BUT it also feels like it has gone kinda fast? I don't know, its a weird feeling. Anyways, in these past few months, the tar covered sloth months, there has been some serious progress made. I'm going to tell you where we have progressed. Most of these aren't academic.....so sue me.

-We walk instead of run from our seats to our carpet spots
-We speak to our friends instead of yell
-We take calming breaths and chill instead of freaking out (not always....)
-We can kind of read!
-We actually work together instead of being bossy pants (also not always...)
-We can have a GIANT melt down and then come back to class and be successful
-We sit AT our desks instead of On our desk
-We laugh and dont get toooooooo carried away
-We answer some deep thinking questions instead of answering "uhhhhhhh"
-We don't yell out answers during tests anymore!
-We have 4/5 good days instead of having like umm 0/5 (yes thats specifically about 1 kid...maybe 2)
-We worry about our friends when they are sad or hurting instead of laughing at them..

Am I saying that there is nothing we can work on? Thats exactly what I'm saying. we are perfect. hahahahahaha Im so totally joking. We have so much to work on. But I would say that for 3 measly months, this progress is pretty good. So bring it on the next 6 months! We are going to progress the crap out of you.

These are a few of my favorite things

I love:
~When my little boys cross their legs when they're reading books
~ How my kids call hand sanitizer "hanitizer"
~Also how a trampoline is a "jumpoline"
~When my rough kids have really awesome days! (duh...)
~When my kids say funny things like "We are arch enemys!" and "I WILL get revenge, but like what is revenge..." even though they shouldn't be saying things like that....
~imaginations
~Puff ball hair
~Library day and sitting on the floor with my class to listen to our librarian read to us
~Being like, really dramatic to my class because they think its hilarious, because it is.
~When a kid has a story to tell and they get really into it
~My coworkers
~Reading to my kids
~Our hall monitors 
~Making my kids be weird because sometimes they hate it and I feel like a nerdy parent and I LOVE it.
~My kids. They make me feel cooler than I am
~Feeling cute and then having a kid tell you that you look cute because then YOU KNOW its true because kids don't lie
~Run on sentences
~Listening to *NSync and having my kids have NO CLUE who they are.....JK I hate that


Thats not all but I'll stop

I don't know what I would do without them

This is actually about 2 sets of people. My students and my coworkers.

First-My students.
They give me a purpose. They have made me become a better person. They have made me a sassier person, which isn't always bad..... They make me think outside the box. They make me work harder. They have taught me so much! THEY'RE 6!! If only they knew.....
They have also taught me how privileged I was growing up. I remember on a few occasions, only a few.....when I wasn't thankful for what I had. I look back on that now and feel so spoiled. Not necessarily with the things I had, but with the loving family I was so lucky to have. Some of these kids talk about the most adult topics....because the adults around them treat them like adults and don't censor anything that they talk about....I know I have said this in another post but they are children. Let them be children.
I have one little boy who has a "girlfriend" in kindergarten....their relationship is hard on him. She honestly ruins his day sometimes....like what the heck. THEYRE 6!!! Im 25 and still don't have a boyfriend to ruin......He was upset the other day because she walked by him in the hallway and didn't wave at him. So then he was laying in the hallway on the lap of one of our hall monitors, because our hall monitor, bless his heart, took time out of his day to try and help him overcome some of his girl issues. Anyways, my kid was laying on his lap crying because this girl "broke his heart" and she walks by again and ignores him and my little man says "UGH! She just walked by and didn't even see that I was upset about her! SHES THE WORST!" Like such adult issues...and he can't even do subtraction yet...I can only imagine what other problems they deal with that I don't see or hear about. My main purpose is to be there for them. Let them be children. Show them how fun learning is. I do my best at that. While they are at school, they will be children.

Second-My coworkers.

I am incredibly lucky. I have wonderful coworkers. They are my friends. They listen to me when Im having a total meltdown (which is frequent). If it weren't for them my job would be much MUCH harder. It is no surprise that I work in a difficult school. Our kids can push us to the edge. The things that we are expected to do as teachers stretch us thin. I honestly don't know what would happen if I wasn't so close with my coworkers. I can come to them with personal and professional problems. I trust them. I know that if I get the flu at 9 pm on a week night that they will help to cover my class if I don't get a sub (which is also a frequent problem). I am blessed....#blessed....sorry about that...I have heard of different work environments where the people don't interact, they don't talk and laugh, that sounds awful. I never want that. I'm afraid that someday I will work somewhere like that....for right now though I will be thankful. I will be thankful that I work with incredible teachers who support me and help me grow as a teacher. I get to work with my friends. For that I am a lucky girl.

Happy Halloween

It really was a happy Halloween at school on Friday! It felt like Halloween when I was in school. The students had the chance to wear their costumes on Friday if they earned it during the week. All but 2 of my students earned it which is AMAZING! So the Kindergarten, 1st and 2nd grade had a costume parade. JUST LIKE I USE TO DO IN SCHOOL! It was great. They were great.

Usually Halloween is like the worst holiday ever in school. Kids are all hopped up on sugar and creepy stuff and the day is total madness and chaos. This year it wasn't! I don't know what happened. Maybe I was just in a better mood? I don't know.

My most challenging student had his best day he has had all year. I was really excited because he legit earned his cupcake at the end of the day. It felt so good to reward him. I hate to take things away from kids. Okay sometimes I don't totally hate it....but its not a great feeling to make a kid upset. Sometimes it just has to be done. But I don't want to talk about that. I just loved that he earned something fun! Legit earned it! Friday felt like school when I was little. It was great. I would like to place an order for more of those kinds of days!

Please and thank you :)

Love Miss Philips

The hardest things

I had to wait a few days to post about this because I really wanted to think about what I wanted to say. Usually I just write. And blab. And not make much sense really....but this one is important to me. Last Thursday I had a coworker come up to my room after school and tell me that one of my students was going to a new school starting on Monday. The mom didn't tell anyone, including the kids, and after school just pulled their records. My heart sank. This little boy was special to me. This little boy has a rough family. He has many brothers and sisters who aren't the best role models for him. However, he has the sweetest soul. He is helpful, sweet, emotional and fragile. He works hard and wants to be good. He just has so much working against him. BUT HE HAS MADE SO MUCH PROGRESS! The week before he left was the best week he has ever had! I hardly had to remind him to do anything, he used the sweetest and kindest words when talking to others and he tried so hard in school.

So I ran downstairs hoping to catch him before he left our school for good. I bust through the doors and thankfully he was sitting on the steps while his brothers and sisters ran around him. I sat down next to him and put my arm around him and told him that I heard he gets to go to a new school and how exciting it was! I just looked at me. I asked if he was excited. He shook his head. I said "Oh don't be nervous! I know teachers at that school and they are so nice! They will look out for you!" He looked up at me and had tears in his eyes. You can only guess what happened next.....Miss Philips lost her mind. Niagara came out of my eye balls....instantly. I said in the most stable voice I could manage "Oh don't you worry! I know you'll miss me, and I will miss you, but you're going to do so great" Then he buried his face in my shoulder and kept crying. Guys I'm crying while I write this.....anyways to then make it worse I said "You know I love you buddy right?" and he goes "yes, and I love you" and let out a few little sobs. I mean. I was a wreck. I told him I had to go because I didn't want to 1-make it worse for him and 2-have people think I'm a crazy person. So I left. And proceeded to bawl my eyes out in my room for a few minutes before parent/teacher conferences started. Lovely.

The reason for this post though isn't to make you sad, well maybe a little.....cause I'm a brat....but it really made me realize that I'm scared for my kids when they leave me. Terrified actually. I had a soft spot for this little boy and I like to think that it helped him to progress so much! What if his next teacher doesn't....what if everyone we had accomplished is washed away in days because they don't see the good that I saw. These kids become our hearts and souls as teachers. We pour EVERYTHING into them. Making them better people and smarter people. Its not that I don't trust other teachers. But it is so easy to start the year off with a bad image of a child because of previous teachers opinions or siblings of the student. How is that fair to that child? They come into their school year not standing a chance because of a preconceived notion of who they are. Maybe they just haven't met the teacher that is going to change their life yet, maybe that teacher is you? Maybe not! Maybe they will be awful all year....its likely. Does that mean you won't give them a chance?

And no I'm not saying I've never done this....its kind of hard not to...but especially for this kids who are rough around their edges, all the edges, like jagged cliff rough.....those kids need even more chances. How hard is that? I'll tell you. Its really freaking hard. But I think that in the long term it will make life better. And I'm speaking to teachers, moms, dads, babysitters, myself and basically everyone. Give second chances. If we all took a moment before judging a person or child based on something we've heard, maybe this world will be a little happier? I don't know its just a thought.

Think positive

I need to do this. All the time. At least once every hour. Positive thoughts. So here we go. Positives from the week so far.....DISCLAIMER! Some of these might start out negative but turn positive. Just bare with me.....

1-Monday was a day for sure. Desks were thrown, chairs were thrown, I was cussed out, and students were chatty. BUT a student who has literally never had a good day, a student who is so bossy and obsessive about what others are doing that he never actually does anything correctly himself. HE WAS AMAZING! Legit one of my favorite kids that day. I have never been so proud of him.

2-Tuesday......I found out I was going to have some vice principals from other school in our district coming into my class to observe my kids. If that didn't put enough pressure on me, one of my most special friends decided to have the most elaborate fit of all time only 15 minutes before they were suppose to be in my room. He deeeeeeeeeestroyed his desk and the surrounding area. Flipped the desk and multiple chairs, threw the contents of his desk alllllll over and screamed that I was an "idiot teacher who teaches boring stupid math that I aint gonna do!". This was during a math test mind you......so we ignored him and let him get all his angries out. After a while he just started to cry sitting in the middle of his destruction. I walked over and took his hand and had him sit by my feet while I taught. He eventually calmed himself down and decided that it was a good idea to go pick up his desk. HE MADE THIS CHOICE ON HIS OWN! So he cleaned it up and came back to my feet. Right then, the VPs walked in. Praise Jesus on this timing! THEN to make things even more wonderful my kids rocked the math lesson that was being watched and gave the most amazing answers to very deep thinking questions, after one answer I think I actually said "that answer was the most beautiful thing I have ever heard...." with baby tears in my eyes.....I'm sure that these vice principals think Im some kind of quack...whatever I don't even care my kids rocked!!!!

3-Wednesday-One of my team mates was out today and didn't have a sub so myself and the other 1st grade teacher split her kids up into our rooms, we each had about 8 or 9 extra kids. THATS A LOT! However, they were great! The day could have totally crumbled around our feet but it didn't! THATS A WIN!

4-My special friend had a royal fit today because he didn't want to do something. Screaming, crying, kicking, hitting and serious angry face going on...we were in the office to call mom and I was holding him on my lap while our secretary called mom. She got mom on the phone and he refused to talk to her. Like straight up reeeeeefused. Then, as if he wasn't already spiraling, he got worse. Here is the positive! I was able to calm him down. If you don't want to hear me brag about myself a little then dont read on :) This little man screamed at me, like so loud I thought my ear drums were going to bleed. I never lost my cool, I kept asking him calmly to tell me what he wanted instead of screaming it at me. After 5 times of this HE TOLD ME AND DIDNT SCREAM! I was so excited. Then I asked him to go sit in the corner AND HE DID! Like I was so so so so happy :)

Sometimes the best positives come out of a negative. You just have to make it through the yucky to get to the happy!

This week....

Man this week really sucked. I understand that not every day is going to go the way that I want, thats life, but like I could go without a whole week of that....There was a dead mouse in my room....probably for days and I didn't know it. There were like 9 in the room next to me (that poor woman). My kids were in rare form. Lots of tears. Lots of anger. Lots of talking......loooooooooots of talking.....My fuse was short. It was bad. The kicker? It was a 4 day week. Sometimes I think that 4 day weeks actually seem longer than 5 day weeks! Some of my kids don't sleep well at home, or eat well and that makes a 3 day weekend especially hard on their little bodies and their minds. So when they come back to school they are soooooo not ready to learn. I understand, but that still doesn't change that teachers have to get things done. We have to teach you! We have to test you. I wish I could tell my kids all the things I have to do and they would understand and be like "awwww Miss Philips thats hard! Ill be awesome today so you can get everything you want to do, done" and I would be like "YES! Thank you for understanding! Yay for being awesome! Here's some candy and donuts." But I can't do that.....so since I'm the adult in this situation, and since I can control my emotions and the situations around me better than they can I guess I will suck it up and do my best.

Things Miss Philips needs to work on:
-organization.....thats like a big one.....if you could just see my classroom...I'm actually not surprised there was a dead mouse in there...it died of shock. Okay Im being dramatic, a little...
-Patience, also a big one
-Being kind to everyone. I can get a little attitude-y....
-Giving myself a break once and a while. Sometimes I stress myself out for no reason and that just silly!!!
-Focusing on the positive at least once a day-a friend reminded me to do that this week and it actually fixed my stinky mood. If I did that every day at least once I would like to think that my days would be much better :)

There is still one day left in this weekend :) I am using it for sleep, work, organizing my life a little (maybe..) and smiling. Happy Saturday!

How do I separate myself from my work?

*DISCLAIMER: This is a long and mushy post. I take no offense if you don't want to read it :) I'm also quite positive that I contradict myself 3 or 4 times through this post.....so if you are bothered by that...sorry...

The answer to that is: I can't.... No teacher does. Some people can have a really crappy day at work and then come home and not have to think about it anymore! And no I'm not saying that EVERYONE can. I understand that other people have really stressful jobs too that they can't just walk away from at 5. But I can't speak for them because I'm not them....I'm a teacher. So I can speak for me. I don't want people who are reading this to think "My goodness teachers complain a lot"....like, ya maybe we do, but so do you......anyway, so its really hard to know what my kids go through and what their home life is like and then just drive away in my rather new car that doesn't smell like smoke and come home to my house that has heat and a couch and not feel a little bit sad for them.

There are kids who have experienced more in their short 6 years of life than I probably ever will. Anyone who knows me also knows that I cry.....like at everything. I get too happy, I cry, I get too sad, I cry, I laugh too hard, I cry......its really basically a constant thing. So sometimes its a miracle that I'm not just always crying during the day. However on Friday I had a moment. It was picture day and the kids were allowed to wear whatever they wanted. THIS IS A BIG DEAL. Kids sometimes legit wear suits. Its the cutest thing ever. One of my kids came up to me with his jacket all the way zipped up and told me that he didn't have any nice clothes to wear because they were living in a shelter and so he just had his uniform clothes. I held in my tears enough to tell him that he looked so handsome in blue and that his pictures would turn out awesome. Thankfully this child eats up compliments so he smiled this huge smile and went and sat down. I proceeded to go out in the hallway and cry while telling my co-workers what he had told me. I work with amazing people so they made it a point to also tell this student at different times that day how handsome he looked. I cannot even imagine what life for this child is like. How can I expect him to bring a book bag, folder, homework and be focused all day long when he knows what he is going back to when he leaves. However, I am expected to do this. Clearly I have a heart, so I cut him some slack, but kids like structure and they like to know what is expected of them. So hopefully having a structured school life brings this little boy some comfort.

I also have another little boy who told me about how his moms friend came to help her get her car started and was shot in front of their house and killed. I can't even begin to relate to that. How do I help these kids cope with such incredibly tragic and terrifying things?! I do my best but I sometimes worry its not enough.

What I have come to realize though is this: I do separate myself from my work to some extent. If I didn't, if I let all the stories I have heard through my day and all the situations I have witnessed run around in my head and my heart I would never stop crying. I wouldn't be able to take it. I would literally crumble and not be able to function. Which is so weak....I realize this...because I'm not actually the person going through it. But if I could I would adopt as many of these children as possible. I see such potential is these young people, but they have too many hurdles and crappy stuff in their way that they can't reach it without help. I want to be their help. I have to be, or I don't feel like I have done my job. Walk in to my school and you will see so many teachers in there just like me. Im sure if you walk into any school you will find these people. We might seem tough and strict....and we are...but we have to be for these kids. They have become a part of us. There is no separating that really. 

Deep breaths

Monday was good! The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, there was a rainbow and I found $50 on the sidewalk! Okay the last 2 were a lie....but it was good. My kids were good! I felt accomplished. That never happens on Mondays.....usually....BUT HEY! Ill take it! Smiles all around!

Then Tuesday hit.
Doom
Darkness....
My head was in a fog. My kids were out of their minds. All of them. Except maybe 2. At one point a teacher came into my room to grab a student to test them on their reading level....I was standing next to my computer while 2 kids literally stood on their desks stomping their little feet and another laid on the floor squiggling around like a crazy worm. How does that even happen?!?!?! What is going through your mind as a child that makes you think "Probably the best choice I could make right now is to crawl on top of my desk and the repeatedly stomp my feet. I bet my teacher will love it." It makes me a little sad for them. Then it makes me angry. But mostly it makes me tired. Really tired.

Cue Wednesday.
On the up and up. What I have noticed is that my class goes in waves. We have an AMAZING DAY! Then the next day, rock bottom, and from there we build up to another amazing day! I just have to remember to wear stretchy pants on the days that should be rock bottom....to be safe ill just wear stretchy pants every day. I can't risk it. Anyways. Both of my really tough boys stayed in my room today ALL DAY! That doesn't happen a lot. So its exciting.
Here is my proud teacher moment of the day: My students had lost 10 minutes of their recess that they get after lunch for wasting my time with talking while I tired to teach. Our vice principal takes the 1st grade classes from lunch out to the playground and then we meet them outside. They are usually outside for a little bit before we get out there so even though I told my class they lost time at lunch they will probably get to play because I'm not out there to enforce it. We walk outside and low and behold who is sitting on the line watching the other classes play? My whole class. Sitting like little perfect children. The first thing that went through my head was "crap. they got in trouble at lunch" So I got to my kids and asked one why they were sitting "Miss Philips you told us we owed you 10 minutes! So we sat" SCORE! THEY WERE HONEST AND FOLLOWED MY DIRECTION ON THEIR OWN! So I let them go play.....haha

Here is to hoping that Thursday is a good day!

This rough little boy seems to hate everything, except holding my hand.

Compassion

Its safe to say that most teachers feel accomplished or proud of their students when they grow in reading or math or some academic thing that they have been struggling with. I mean its kinda what we are there to do.....help them grow academically. HOWEVER! I feel more pride and accomplishment for my kids and for myself when my students grow as people. Little tiny people. I feel accomplished because, well, I helped them become that kind little person. They watch me. They watch other teachers. The principals. Janitors. Basically any adult they are around. They watch. They learn. They listen. That is completely terrifying. Sadly, I see more and more adults treating children like they are nothing, cussing around them, saying terribly innappripriate things around them and justifying it with "Oh they aren't even paying attention" UM HI WRONG! So wrong....they are little sponges! They hear you. So quit cussing in front of them, quit talking about adult things in front of them. They need to be children. Let them be children. They should love coloring and playgrounds.

That was a little tangent....I'm going somewhere with this. Promise :)

Okay so Friday. Friday was great. My rough and tumble kiddos were having a good day, it was getting chilly and feeling like fall....it was just great. Anyways. We were out at recess. MANNNNNN do I love recess. For the obvious reasons: 1. I get to be outside 2. Its a break from our day (and we need those, teachers and students) and 3. The conversations we have with our kids during recess are the best conversations I have all week.

So while at recess a little girl was running and she tripped and fell on concrete. This little darling is a little....ummm....dramatic anyways. So of course...out of all the kids to fall it had to be her...We hurried over to her as she was laying on the ground preparing to die (clearly not actually die but shes dramatic so she probably thought thats what was happening) and a couple other kids follow, because who doesn't love good drama. And Madame McTrips-a-lot was crying and gasping and this little boy, who is a rough, tough and angry little dude most of the time goes up to her and says "Don't worry! I fell today too, and look at my hands! Theyre okay! No blood! You'll be okay!" and while he is saying this he is like putting a comforting hand on her. STOP IT RIGHT NOW IT WAS THE SWEETEST THING IVE EVER SEEN. And although I didn't cry in the moment...I just teared up writing it...It was just awesome. And then without asking or being asked another little girl bends down and starts to tie the wounded girls shoes for her. I mean....I didn't even think to do that! IM THE TEACHER AND THE ADULT HERE! I was so overwhelmed with pride for these little friends helping each other. So we stayed outside for an extra 10 minutes....

I see this a lot. Kids want to help. They want to love each other. Sometimes they just don't know how. They might not have ever seen someone help another person, or speak kindly to them. It is up to us to show them what compassion is. Compassion fixes broken things. Compassion changes things.

Middle of the week blues

Today:
-My temper was short
-My voice got loud
-My compassion was on short supply
-I rolled my eyes....like a 6 year old....

Tomorrow:
-I will be quick to love and listen
-I will take deep breaths when I need to (every 4 minutes)
-My voice will stay at a reasonable level...probably
-If I feel like rolling my eyes I will just close them instead :)

HOWEVER! At recess we found a used pen and a press on nail. So.....theres that

I went to college for this right?

I feel like I should be a total pro at this teaching thing. I went to college for it. Its my career. Im not....I didn't even put an apostrophe in I'm just then.....UNFIT! Unfit teacher status.

When I was in school my teachers were perfect. Their classroom management was perfect. They knew exactly how to answer every question. Their rooms were clean. Always. Every lesson was exciting and fun and no one ever grumbled about having to do something (okay thats not entirely true....). They were funny! Like. SOOOOO funny. They had us doing awesome projects and I still remember them! I remember every single one of my teachers during my grade school years. I also remember most of my middle school and high school teachers (some more than others :).

Thats not me. I'm not perfect. I can loose my cool from time to time....I also cannot remember how to spell loose....if its 1 "o" or 2....and I usually end up googling it....like its a simple word. Figure it out Ele. Sometimes Im so grumpy with my kids that I don't even want to be around me.....I can only imagine how a 6 year old feels about me. Sometimes its like my brain doesn't even work. I forget things the second I hear them. I have actually had to have people repeat something to me more than twice. Thats excessive. Im not organized. Like... its funny almost how unorganized I am.

Quick story: I lost my behavior chart at the beginning of the year. And its like a BIG LAMINATED CHART! How did I misplace that. Then I convinced myself it had been stolen...SOMEONE STOLE MY CHART! What. The. Heck. HOW RUDE! Then a few weeks ago one of my special kids was throwing an all out brawl out and he kicked over a basket of books....what was in this basket? My chart. Like how did it get there.....unorganized.

Anyways. There are many things that I can improve on...most things actually. HOWEVER! I care about my kids. There are a few differences in the life style of my students that I teach and how I grew up. Sometimes I think that working on their emotional health is completely more important than reading about what the fat cat did in his hat....with a bat and a rat....How can I teach these kids how to read and do math when they haven't eaten? Or when they have slept only 3 hours the night before.

I have decided to cut myself a break. First, because if I don't, I'll pass out from stress. Secondly, because I am still learning, growing and making myself a better teacher. Third, and last, because what these kids need is love. And I definitely give them that.

Sappy post over :) 

Sometimes its the small things

Guys. It was Monday. I know that Mondays are suppose to be crappy because its Monday and the weekend has ended and everyone is sad and whatever. Mine wasn't that bad. Now, it was not great. But it wasn't awful! BIG ACCOMPLISHMENT! Today brought some laughs, some struggles and some tears (mine....but for a good reason).

I will start with the struggles so I can get them out and then we can all forget they happened. My struggles come with a few of my boys. They let the most insignificant things ruin their days. Things like where they are standing in line....someone looking at them funny.....the fact that they don't want to do what we are doing....and when I say ruin their day. I mean it. They go full blown pout pout fish. Stomping and huffing and puffing. It takes all I have in my soul to not say something very smart to them and stomp away. Bringing these boys back to a rational state of mind takes lots of calm talking, eye contact, choice giving and making and deep breaths. For both of us....Eventually my special boys will be able to do these things without me. I hope this day comes soon.

Tears-THIS IS ACTUALLY A GREAT THING! Do not be worried for Miss Philips the emotional wreck. I only cry when absolutely necessary.......hahaha okay that's a lie. Anyways! Today my most challenging boy, my boy who has never done a single worksheet on his own, my boy who never stays in his seat because he is usually under it or on top of his desk, my boy who yells and throws his paper the instant it is put on his desk, that boy, that boy DID 2 WORKSHEETS ON HIS OWN! I helped him very little and he only had one little outburst. He stayed in his seat, he didn't throw his pencil once, he listened and participated and he didn't crawl on top of his desk. Guys. This may seem little or small, but for  this boy, he might have just turned a major corner. So when I walked over to his desk and he was working on his sheet by himself and actually trying I knelt down to his desk looked at him and said "Do you realize that you just did this whole thing BY YOURSELF?! AND ITS RIGHT!" then the smile that spread across his face was so incredible, so proud, so wonderful that I started to cry haha. He was a brand new child today. I want to meet that child every day from now on. Will he be perfect from today on? Most likely not. BUT HEY! Its the small things right?

Laughs-Here is my favorite part. The part of my day where my students say something that is so funny that I actually laugh. The same boy that made me cry tears of joy is also the most hysterical child ever. He says things sometimes that you just don't expect and you can't help but laugh. Today we were at recess and were lining up to go inside. All of a sudden from the back of the line comes his little voice:

"Ey! Miss Philaps! Can I play with these nuts?"

He has his hand in his pocket and I literally don't know what to say.....I think the look on my face must have given away how weirded out I was cause he pulls his hand out and goes,

"THEEEEEESE nuts, them acorn nuts, I wanna go bury em"

Me-Oh. my. word. Yes hahahaha you may go bury them. Good grief.

So. Overall I would say that my Monday was good. Not great, not horrible. Good. Sometimes good is all you need. Sometimes its the small things.

It all starts somewhere

So here it is. A blog.....I've attempted 2 other blogs. They were awful. I mean really terrible. I guess I've made 3 if you count the Xanga that I had in middle school. That one is so bad that its actually hilarious. I spelled things with numbers and Zs where there should have been an S. I was the epitome of cool. However, I'm hoping that this will be different. I have a reason to write. I have my kids.

Just for clarification, when I say "my kids" I don't actually mean my children, I mean my students. I will probably always call them my kids.

Another thing. This blog is going to be FULL of grammatical errors. Commas in the wrong place....periods All. Over. The. Place. Even when there shouldn't be one. Like there. And there.....I write like I talk. I think that it gives the words more of a personality. So if you get offended that a teacher doesn't know how to write a proper sentence....I apologize....but I'm not going to change it. That will take too much time.

I am doing this for a few reasons:
1. I want to remember my early teaching years. I want to remember the fun stories, the sad stories, the frustrations and the accomplishments.
2. Writing this in a journal is not an option.....I have the handwriting of a 1st grade boy....I wouldn't be able to read it.
3. I love to share my stories with people. And for some reason people love hearing about them :)

So here we go!!